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by asmokedham



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Sad with a Happy Ending, Unplanned Pregnancy, amy is going through it, buckle up yall, literally the longest fanfic i've ever written, sad shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 14:50:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17789423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asmokedham/pseuds/asmokedham
Summary: "Amy Santiago could face anything life threw at her, but what if it threw her a new life?"





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**Author's Note:**

> Timeline: I'm not really sure where to put this fic, season-wise. Best guess is that it would probably happen sometime before Amy and Teddy's breakup in Season 2.
> 
> (Also, the italics in the middle of the fic are meant to represent a flashback, while the regular text is meant to show Amy's thoughts. For the rest of the fic, the italics show Amy's thoughts. Hope it's not too confusing!)
> 
> Lil' Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Shaw's Bar was filled with warmth and lit like a hazy dream. The light radiating from tea candles placed sporadically on the pub's tables cast dancing shadows around the room. Dark figures circled about the room like the childish creatures of light created by a baby's mobile.

Amy sat alone at a table near the back of the room. She needed the separation and distance from the groups of laughing patrons and loud drunkards. She needed room to think. Her mind was spinning at a million miles an hour and there was no way she could slam on the brakes to stop her runaway train of thought. Every bit of her wanted to react, to get whatever the hell she was feeling out. She wanted to stand up and smash her glass of water against the wall and just scream. Nothing in particular, because she had nothing to say. Nothing.

Amy wanted nothing more than to get up and go home, but she couldn't. She needed to man the hell up and act the part of a woman whose life wasn't crumbling around her. She needed to put on a smile and be the best damn version of Amy she could be. A crude imitation of her old self.

Her mind began to fold in on itself, imploding like a dying star. Each 'what if' and dreamed up scenario collapsed inward until her head was silent. Silent for only a moment. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly until all she saw was a glorious red.

And then the red was gone, washed away by the familiar sensation of a vibrating phone.

7 MISSED CALLS FROM: TEDDY

Amy felt the air sucked from her lungs as if she had been punched and replaced with a growing sense of guilt trapped deep within her stomach. It twisted and turned like a serpent and made her want to vomit.

She looked down at her cellphone.

(9:08 am) TEDDY: Hey, Ames can you call me when you're free? We need to talk...  
(10:15 am) TEDDY: Ames please call me back.  
(10:22 am) TEDDY: Hey I'm getting worried please call me back  
(11:02 am) TEDDY: Look, I know you're going through a lot but I'm here, ok?  
(1:37 pm) TEDDY: can we please talk about this? i really need to know that youre ok  
(5:48 pm) TEDDY: i love you

Her hands felt stiff and numb as she scrolled through the unanswered texts. They were going to stay that way; she couldn't bring herself to talk to him. She stuffed her phone into her bag and slowly rested her head in her hands, elbows propped up on the tabletop, finally allowing her mind to run free.

 

Just 5 hours earlier, the 99 had finally closed one of their most infamous cold cases. Correction: Jake had closed one of their most infamous cold cases.

He had been chasing the mysterious Brownstone Burglar, a man who exclusively broke into New York City's brownstones and stole women's undergarments... who had a bit of a nasty habit of sending taunting, and slightly sexual, letters in to the authorities. The Brownstone Burglar had gone on a crime spree from 1996 to 1999 before stopping altogether. Jake had ingeniously tied the string of burglaries to a man named Shelby Hanks who had been previously indicted for stalking and harassing a female co-worker in 2000. After spouting some punny one-liner worthy of an exasperated eye-roll, Jake arrested Hanks for the burglaries, told the squad that he was taking them out to Shaw's, and that drinks were on him, ahem, drinks were on _Boyle_.

And even though Amy knew going out was a decision that could end badly, she went anyway. She didn't want to raise any questions because she knew that the minute anyone so much as raised an eyebrow at her excuses, the floodgates holding back her emotions would burst, and she couldn't afford for her fellow officers to become aware of her situation. She could fight this alone because goddammit, she was Amy Santiago, and Amy Santiago could face anything that life threw at her.

But her self-assurance was wavering, threatening to disintegrate and slip through her fingers like sand through an hourglass. Amy Santiago could face anything life threw at her, but what if it threw her a new life?

 

_She had taken the test early that morning. The thought had been festering in the back of her mind for a while. Ever since she had missed her period, she knew something was wrong. She just knew. It felt silly to place her trust in a $20 piece of plastic that you were supposed to pee on, but it was a test after all. How could a test be wrong?  
Amy hated to admit that her faith in the integrity of a test had wavered, even if only for a second. She had hoped to God with all her heart that it was faulty, that the second little pink line that had appeared was a fluke. In a state of disbelief, Amy had hurried back to the drugstore to purchase another test._

_And another..._

_And another..._

_And another..._

_… until she had visited what seemed to be every 24-hour drugstore, convenience store, and slightly sketchy bodega in the city of New York, collecting an army of white plastic sticks along the way that eventually found their way to her apartment, strewn across her impeccably clean bathroom counter, each one displaying that dreaded pair of pink lines. She had slowly gotten up from her spot on the tiled floor with tears clinging to her lashes, for she refused to let them fall, and got dressed in silence. Strangely, it had comforted her to slip on her usual neutral-colored pantsuit. It gave her the brief illusion that nothing had changed, that everything had snapped back to normal and that nothing about her was different. But she had been quickly taken back to the reality of her situation when she tried to put on a bra. What usually fit her perfectly had made her feel uncomfortable and -even worse- vulnerable. And as much as it had hurt her to stray from her business-formal dress code, she had opted for a loosely fitting sports bra instead._

_Amy had gone back into the bathroom after she finished dressing, gathered the pregnancy tests up, and tossed them into a plastic bag which had been hastily stuffed into her purse._

_She made her way out of the bedroom, walking carefully on her toes. Amy's gaze shifted to the mound of blankets that lay on the bed and the man sleeping soundly beneath them. Teddy was a light sleeper, she knew from experience, and the last thing in the world she needed right then was for him to wake up and ask her why she was fully dressed and heading out the door at 5 in the morning._

_Gingerly, she took her purse off of its hook and peeked back at Teddy. Still asleep. Amy cautiously took another step towards the door, when her phone lit up. The ringer was on, blasting its default tune at full force._

_“Shit.”_

_“Ames, where you going?” Teddy's voice was slow and sleepy, slightly muffled under his cocoon of blankets._

_Amy froze. She could feel her heart skip a beat._

Goddammit.

_She swallowed hard, “Umm... I have some work stuff I have to do. Got a call.” Her words were quick and jumbled as she fumbled inside her purse for her keys._

_Teddy let out a huge yawn and sat up. His hair was sticking up in some places as if he had been standing under a statically charged balloon.  
“What could the NYPD possibly need you to do at 5a.m. that was so important that they made you get out of bed so early? Probably just a 10-50,” he yawned again, his words coming out sluggishly, “Nothing so important that they needed to take you away from me. I have needs too...”_

Yeah, well your needs are precisely why we’re in this situation in the first place.  
_Amy let out a small puff of air, a sad, half-assed excuse of a laugh._  
Shut up, Santiago. It’s not his fault. It’s yours. It’s all your fault.

_A forced smile appeared on her face. “Go back to sleep, it’s nothing that you need to worry about. I’ll be- I’ll be back before you know it.” She was almost to the door, almost to freedom, when she heard shuffling coming from the bed behind her._

_To her dismay, Teddy slid the stack of blankets from around him and stood up slowly. His eyes were still half shut, but he managed to find his way next to her, pulling her in close. She could feel his warm breath tickle her neck. Amy’s mind went into a frenzy, hoping that her boyfriend was too groggy to see the look of panic that took over her face._

_“Ames,” he started, gently wrapping his arms around her torso, completely oblivious to what his hands were now resting directly over. Amy cut him off._

_“I have to go. Now.” She shimmied her way out of his embrace, feeling the warmth resting on the apex of her stomach quickly fade._

_“Babe...”_

_“Don’t call me that.” She spoke so quietly that it almost seemed like an afterthought._

_Teddy laughed, “Come on, Amy, don’t be like that. Come back to bed.”  
He reached out towards her arm, but Amy drew herself inward._

_Instead of his desired target, Teddy grasped a handful of her purse.  
All of the color drained from Amy’s horrified face._

Shit.

_Teddy smiled._

Shit.

_He pulled._

Shit.

_Without thinking, Amy pulled back, sending the contents of her bag tumbling to the floor.  
The plastic bag included._

Shit.

_“Don-”_  
_Teddy picked up the bag and opened it  
The sleepy smile slid from his face._

Shit.

_“Ames...” Teddy seemed at a loss for words as he slowly pulled out a single test. Even in the dim lighting of her apartment, Amy could still make out the two pink lines that marred its white plastic surface._

_They stood in silence, both staring at the test clutched tightly in Teddy’s hand._

_“When were you going to tell me?”_

_Hurt. She could almost taste the hurt in his voice as they locked eyes. A wave of guilt shook her body._

_“I..I..I have to go.” Tears were forming in her eyes once again. Amy started for the door but was held back by a hand closing around her wrist._

_“Ames, please,” Teddy pleaded, now fully awake, “Please just sit down and talk to me.”_

_“I don't think I can right now. I think I just need to go,” Amy said as she pulled away. She walked quickly to the door and slammed it tightly behind her._

Running away from your problems? What a coward.

God, the neighbors are probably going to file a noise complaint.

_Her face was hot and wet, her eyes blurring over with fresh tears. They stained the sleeves of her suit as she hastily tried to wipe them away before reaching the apartment elevator. She had half expected Teddy to burst into the elevator and try to reason with her, but thankfully, the steel doors slid shut uninterrupted._

_The morning walk from her apartment to the bus stop was usually one of Amy’s favorite times of day. The sun would be gradually peeking its head out from behind the clusters of skyscrapers that peppered the New York City skyline. The air was the freshest in the morning, before the city fully woke up. Everything seemed so peaceful and serene then._

_But not that morning. The sun had not yet risen as Amy rushed outside. The sky above was dark and grey. She kept her pace, half running, half walking, down the city block. When she arrived at the bus stop, she squeezed into a spot on the narrow bench between a rugged looking man and an older woman carrying a small dog. She did her best to conjure up a friendly looking half-smile for them as she sat down. A lifetime seemed to go by before the bus rolled into the stop, brakes squealing and thick grey exhaust trailing from the tailpipe.  
Then Amy Santiago did what she did best: boarded the bus to the 99 with a fake smile and buried emotions._

 

A string of soft buzzing poked its way through her clouded mind.

Amy glanced down at her phone.

10 MISSED CALLS FROM: TEDDY

“Hey, Santiago! Look what I got us.”

Amy jumped at the sudden sound of Jake's voice. She turned quickly in her chair to see her partner standing behind her holding two shot glasses.

“These are the most expensive “Congrats! We Caught a Creep” shots I could come up with. They cost more money than I've got on all of my credit cards! The bartender said something about them being aged in some rich dude's basement.”  
He trailed off before slamming two shot glasses filled with a dark amber liquor topped off with what looked to be some kind of leafy garnish down onto the table.

Amy poked at the garnish, unsure of what to say. She couldn't lie to Jake. She couldn't bear to look into his eyes and pretend that everything was fine. Finally, with her stare focused on one of the nearby tea lights she mustered up the strength to speak. The flame waved and dipped and weaved like a graceful dancer made of pure light. It looked so joyous, so free. She would have given anything to feel that same freedom.

“God, Jake, you can't just keep taking advantage of Charles's friendship because you don't know how to be a responsible adult,” she said halfheartedly.

Good, an insult. That sounded normal enough. She didn’t really have it in her to make a more critical comment on the Peralta/Boyle dynamic.

“Well, how else am I supposed to pay for the new fancy massage chair I just ordered? It's got 5 cup holders! Don't worry about it, Santiago, he'll forgive me.” Jake flashed her his signature dopey grin and slid one of the shot glasses towards her, “Try it.”

“I- I really- I can’t,” a series of noises sputtered out of her mouth. Amy was floundering for the right words as if she was drowning on dry land.

Jake laughed. “Oh come on, take it,” he shot her a look of feigned concern, “Or does Teddy keep you on a Pilsner-only diet?”

She flinched at the sound of his name.

Jake read her face. “Uh oh, trouble in paradise! What’d he do now? Not into your Nikola Tesla themed roleplay?”

Something inside of her snapped.  
“You’re acting like a child, Jake!”

He looked taken aback, “What?” Jake’s eyes grew wide as he tilted his head ever so slightly like a confused puppy dog.

“I’m sorry. You’re just- just-,” Amy wrung her hands furiously underneath the table, “Just drop the subject. Please?”

“Ok.”

A heavy pause filled the space between them. 

“Amy? You ok?” Jake’s voice was soft and gentle as he stepped closer to her.

“Yes,” she said curtly, “Why do you ask?” She prayed he couldn’t hear the small tremble in her voice or see the tears begin to gather in her eyes.

“I don't know,” Jake fidgeted with one of the strings on his hoodie as he sat down on the stool next to hers. “You've been kinda weird all day... kinda distant. I mean you didn't even yell at Hitchcock when he got spaghetti sauce on your day planner,” he paused briefly before continuing, “I've been your partner long enough to know when something’s bothering you.”

As if on cue, his somber expression shifted to a goofier one.  
“What, did someone mess up one of your binders? Wait no! You found a typo in today's crossword puzzle.”

Amy finally looked up, her eyes staring directly into Jake's. She had no clue what her face looked like at that moment, but judging by the quick change in his, it wasn’t good.

“Ames,” Jake whispered, moving closer to her and carefully placing a hand on her shoulder, “What’s going on?”

Even though he stood only millimeters from her, Jake seemed miles away in that moment. The truth crouched on her tongue, waiting to pounce, waiting to share its burden with him. It wasn’t worth it to carry its weight alone any longer. Amy let it slip slowly out of her mouth.

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered, staring blankly down at her glass. As soon as those two little words left her mouth, the knot in her stomach loosened ever so slightly. They hung in the air, heavy and dense, like cigarette smoke.

Silence.

Amy knew the look on Jake’s face so well that she didn’t need to look at him. She didn’t want to look at him because she knew that when she did, she would fall apart.

“I’ve planned out every piece of my life. Every damn piece. And now with _this_ ,” she gestured down at her stomach, “Now I don’t know what to do. I never planned for...” Her hands fell limply at her side.

She was defeated. Exhausted. Finally, for the first time in what seemed to be forever, Amy allowed herself to cry. Her tears were quiet, controlled, as they ran off of her puffy face and fell into her lap. What good was it now to try to restrain herself, to hold herself back?

Amy looked up and met Jake’s eyes. The dim and ever-shifting light surrounding them caught his face in ways she had never seen before. God, he was so wonderful, so beautiful, so kind and caring. She needed him now more than she had ever needed anyone before in her life. She needed his soft brown hair, his sparkling eyes, his sharp wit, and clever jokes. 

Jake broke the silence between them, “You can do it, I know you can.”

“What?”

He squeezed her shoulder gently, “You’ll be a great mother. I’ve been around for long enough that I just know it.”  
He slowly let her go and sat down in the chair beside her.  
“And besides, you won’t have to do it alone, you have Teddy.”

Amy’s heart sank.

“Jake,”  
Her voice was hoarse, “I don’t know if I can- if I can go through with this. Go through with Teddy.”

“Amy, what do you me...”

Her phone lit up on the table. 

“It’s him.” Amy smiled weakly without even looking down, “He’s been calling and calling, but I never answer. I can’t answer. I’m so god damn selfish, Jake.”

When Jake spoke next, his voice caught her off guard. She had never heard him speak like that before, although she couldn’t pinpoint what was so different about it.  
“Ames, is everything between you Teddy alright?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel anymore,” She let out a small laugh, “I know he’s willing and ready to be a father, but… but I don’t know what _I_ want. I don’t know if I want him or this baby or-”

His hand slid across the table, stopping when it came to rest in front of her. Amy took his offer, placing her palm directly onto her partner’s. 

“I can’t tell you what to decide, Amy. I’m not gonna pretend I know anything about this stuff,” Jake rubbed his thumb along the back of her hand, “But I will be by your side, no matter what you choose, ok?”

“Ok.”

“And you can stay with me until you figure out what’s next, if you want. My apartment may not be up to your clean-freak standards, though.”

Amy smiled, a real smile this time, “I’d love that, Jake. Thank you.”

In that moment, as she sat hand in hand with her partner in a crappy cop bar, Amy Santiago felt more at home than she had ever felt before.

**Author's Note:**

> Hoooooo boy. I have been working on this fic piece by piece since last summer. I'm not the most productive person in the world, but I think that worked in my favor this time. It gave me a really good chance to take breaks in between writing and allowed me to come back each time with fresh eyes in order to create the story and the narrative that I wanted.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this piece! If you do, drop a comment or a kudos! It's nice to see that people really like what I'm doing. It's definitely a motivator to write more :)
> 
> Also, I have a possible part-two to this fic in mind, maybe a cute-supportive-cuddle-turned-angsty-love-confession or Amy's first doctor's visit where Jake tags along. Lemme know if you guys would be interested in a continuation of this fic!


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